Why Am I Not Moving Forward in My Healing?

For many years, I felt stuck in my healing. I didn’t feel the changes I was attempting to make and constantly felt like I was doing something wrong. I asked myself for a long time, “Why am I stuck? Why do I always fall back to my old destructive ways?”

So many people would diagnose me when I shared my frustrations, easily coming up with answers to what was “wrong” with me, why I was struggling in my healing. But very few of them could actually help me heal. It became really frustrating and I was very discouraged.

Now I know why and I can look back and see what piece of the puzzle I was missing. My healing wasn’t the task of these other people. It wasn’t a problem I could present to others to fix, to sort out for me, or to even have specific answers to. How could they? They didn’t know all of me and all the unique circumstances of my trauma. It wasn’t their job to fix me. It was my job. I finally realized that I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart. I couldn’t just know what I needed to do...I had to act accordingly.

In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life. But what I was still searching for, even after I gathered what steps I needed to take, was someone to somehow model these steps for me, to show me how. I was looking for a demonstration of these steps in action because I had never seen or felt or understood aspects of them before. This fundamental idea is what I founded my entire career on, providing survivors with the demonstrations they need to connect the “what” to the “how” of healing, showing them how to heal instead of just telling them what to do. It’s a new language for survivors. You can’t show people the new words and expect them to know what it means without providing the imagery, like a child needed to see a picture of an apple alongside the word in order to fully integrate the information.

Throughout my career and my own healing journey, I started to distill the information I was learning into 7 key steps for healing, which I wanted to share with you today. Below are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal. If you start to apply them every day, you will feel a shift in your healing, with small changes at first and big changes over time.

1. Establish Safety. Figure out what makes you feel safe. This is your first priority.
2. Develop Courage. Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
3. Create a Mindfulness Practice. Connecting with your body is essential for healing. As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection. Mindfulness will help you reconnect with your thoughts, feelings, and body.
4. Express Your Emotions. Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way. All of them: the easy and the hard, they are all necessary!
5. Change Your Negative Beliefs. You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood. But you’re an adult now. Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
6. Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion. Put yourself first on your To-Do list. Every day, find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself. 
7. Build a Support System. You can’t do this alone. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goal and find a safe place to practice your new way of thinking/feeling/being. (This is the part I was missing for a long time.)

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey. And even better is joining a group of people that are also making the shift and understand exactly what struggles you are facing (because they are facing them as well), that are focusing and intending on daily action to heal their lives, and can motivate you, as you motivate them. Stick with it, stay connected to survivors that are doing the same thing, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think.

Healing is hard. Survivors doubt they can heal and wonder if they are worth it. We feel alone with our hard feelings, as if no one can understand them. But you are not alone. Because these steps are more than a decision. They are willingness and commitment in action. A commitment to yourself that requires a lifestyle change, a change in your thoughts, feelings, and habits. We can not do that without constant support, accountability, and finding people who will celebrate you, support you, and encourage you along the way. 

I would not suggest this support if I did not offer it myself. If you are ready to dig deep and heal and you are looking for the right support for you, please send me an email or message me on Facebook or click here to book a free 30-minute consultation with me. And if you have been seeking the right community for support in your healing, I run a few online support communities on Facebook.

One group is for survivors who are working through my book of 365 days of healing prompts, action, and inspirational words, where we answer these prompts every day, share our stories, get support from others, share parts of our lives and healing, and so on. This group met in Texas in 2018 for a weekend retreat, which we hope to plan again soon!

To learn more about this survivor group and possibly join, click here!

The other group is a self-care community, not just for survivors but for anyone who might struggle in their self-care and wants support in creating healthier habits for a healthier, happier life. This group gets 4 ebooks a year, one for each season, which are each 30 days of showing you guys how to implement habits that create real change, with each week focusing on a new self-care and healing skill. For our example, our first ebook walked our community members through a week of mindfulness, a week of gratitude, a week of healthy eating (with a full meal plan) and a week of exercise.

To learn more about this self-care group and join, click here!

Don't struggle alone. You are worthy of support and healing. I believe in you!

Ready to start your healing journey? Not sure where to begin? Don’t worry, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($175). Let me help you understand the impact of trauma and how to start your healing journey. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, "Releasing Your Authentic Self?" If you're ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of "Releasing Your Authentic Self." If you are ready to dig deep and want to experience the daily support and encouragement from others like you, follow this link to learn more: Releasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.